Remembering Ann Richards

Strong = Feminine

I wrote the following column in March when I first knew about Ann Richards' cancer diagnosis. Sadly, this great lady lost her hard fought battle with esophageal cancer and died early this morning. She was loved by so many and an outspoken advocate for women and children. To Ann's friends and family: the staff and members of ceslie.com send love and condolences. The world has lost an amazing woman.

I have been so saddened by the news that Ann Richards has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Damn! I have been a fan of the former Texas Governor for many years and campaigned for her when I lived in my home state of Texas many moons ago. I had the good fortune to meet her again a couple of years ago when she was here in New York to launch her terrific book "I'm Not Slowing Down : Winning My Battle with Osteoporosis."

My friend Patrick McMullan ran a beautiful picture of Ann and me in New York magazine the following week.

I have had my picture taken and published many times with notable people, but, I was never so proud as to see me in print with the Gov! It struck me that night that even though she has the bone weakening disease and was speaking on the subject, her stance and demeanor were still so incredibly strong. Strong in a way that is also fun and caring and feminine. Strong in a way that commands respect. Strong in a way that shows vulnerability, yet conviction. There are many women who are strong like Ann Richards and they surround us each day.

What does it mean to have strength? Strength is generosity, above all. It means being able to be supportive, to lift not just ourselves, but each other. Too many of us forget how strong we really are. Instead, we fall into the trap of letting our insecurities overwhelm us until we’re hard on ourselves and each other.

I think this behavior is really a sign of weakness. We don’t all do it and we certainly don't all do it all the time, and, it's not easy being strong. I think some women just have the fortitude and desire to face fear and go the distance. I also think it's a generational thing. As "boomers" we were brought up with a very different idea about the role of women in society. Women in their 20s today don’t have the same stigma (and dogma) about their “place.” We are still far from equal footing and that’s a whole book in itself, but, we most certainly all have the equal opportunity to be strong.

I can think of many strong women who have shepherded me through life as role models, icons, caretakers, and friends. A few come to mind immediately, like my boss Valerie when I was 15, and, my grandmother Pauline who was the most glamorous gal one could ever know. And, my soul sister Kathy Jones-Bettencourt and her dynamo twins Baylee and Kaycee (strength is not age specific!). There are icons like Gloria Steinem, Madeline Albright and Susan Sarandon. Smart beauties like Linzi Glass, Iman and Goldie Hawn. Incredible talents like Bette Midler and Felicity Huffman. Inspiring figures like the late Liz Tilberis, Dana Reeve, Gilda Radner, and Princess Diana. The list goes on and on. We should draw our personal strength from women like these.

Who are those women in your life? I encourage you to make that list and refer to it when you are feeling wimpy. For me, the strongest woman in my life was my mother who died in March of 1987 (I was 25). She was really one-of-a-kind. She carried a matchbook in her wallet for about 30 years bearing the advice "Remember This" (see below). I wish I knew the author. It’s really how she lived. I drew strength from this simple matchbook and read it at her funeral. I still read it from time to time when I need a shot of strength. And, to Ann Richards, please know you are in the thoughts and prayers of many strong women around the world.

Remember This:

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• Be good but not too good--a little naughty--but not too naughty. Say a prayer if you feel that way, say damn if it gives you consolation.
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• Be kind to the world always, if possible--yet if you must be unkind, smash right and left, get it over and forget it.
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• Smile, always smile, have a smile ready even though sometimes it hurts. Grab all the happiness you can--wherever and whenever you can--don't let even a wee bit slip past you. Live, above all things, live, don’t simply exist.
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• If you are blessed enough to know what real love is--love with all your heart, soul and body.
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• Live your life so that at any hour you will be able to shake hands with yourself and try to accomplish at least one thing worthwhile each day. Then when night comes you will be able to pull up the covers and say to yourself, "I HAVE DONE MY BEST"

*It is reported that doctors at Houston’s famed M.D. Anderson hospital say Richards' cancer is treatable. Esophageal cancer is a smoker's and drinker's cancer and Richards was both until the '80s. Dr. Len Lichtenfeld, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Society, said that esophageal cancer will be diagnosed in about 3,300 women this year and that about 3,000 of them will die.

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